Caring for your Parent

When it comes to moving your parent from their home and broaching the "nursing home" or "assisted living" conversation, experts like Stella Henry, R.N., author of The Eldercare Handbook (HarperCollins, 2006) say "this is probably one of the hardest decisions a child or grandchild will ever have to make."  Often, putting a parent in a nursing home or assisted living facility is the most loving act that a person can do for a parent, because it improves the quality of the parent's life from a medical and social perspective.

Avoid the crisis, don’t wait till the last minute to start having a conversation with your parent. No matter what your parents age, now is the time to begin communicating about the future.

Many parents don't want to burden their children, after all they are the parent. They sometimes hide important things from their children because they don't want to scare or burden them. But the reality is that having open communication takes the ‘bite’ out of making tough decisions.

By showing your parent that you are on their side and are genuinely concerned about their wellbeing, it can make a real difference on the outcome. You don’t have to go at this alone. Having open conversations with your brothers, sisters, children, uncles, and aunts to address your parent’s needs is vital.

Come up with a game plan, and delegate if you must, to someone of the burdensome tasks of arranging additional care for your parent. There’s an old saying that we ‘can choose our friends’ but not our family, and for this reason when families get together, there can sometimes be personal issues brought to the table. Remember, this is about your parent not you.

 
It is critical that your parent understands that change can sometime be hard and that the entire family is there to help, not hash out old issues. Often placement in assisted living or in a nursing home can be difficult when a parent has lived in the same home for many years. Should this happen, home health care can be another option. 

One of the most important things is to decide is who will make the critical decisions. Ideally one family member that is capable are appointed as the parent’s primary advocate. This person will be the parent’s durable power of attorney for health and finance decision.

For more information on what to do, just give me a call. I will sit down with you or your siblings to discuss how to gather financial data, basics of a will or trust, what goes into a health directive, breaking down final expenses, making burial arrangements and discussing final wishes.